chaotic. restlessness. confused. selfish. hurtful. mean. ungrateful. conceded – all words which used to characterize me seven years and one day ago.
seven years ago, i began the journey of self acceptance, the journey inward. for the first time in my life, i had to feel emotion, i had to face and feel all the shit i had been running from my entire life. i felt alone at the end of the hallway as i sat isolated from all the others. i knew i had to feel alone in order to begin the journey (although i had the full love and support of my family). the journey we must take to know and love ourselves. from that journey we return with more power, wisdom, serenity, love and clarity.
until i entered rehab for my addictions, anything and everything which would make me feel or think differently was my addiction. i had to find the non-toxic habits – photography, sports, nature, wandering… sharing my perspective with the world.. my addictive personality will never go away, but i can feed it with pure intentions.
i finally feel i have found myself again. the self before all the chaos, the self which is kind-hearted, accepting, grateful, thankful, loving –
the self who now sees life through a wide angle lens.
Written today at Murrell Park on Lake Grapevine while listening to the waves, feeling the brisk breeze, seeing the light of the sun and reflecting back on this day seven years ago. Photo taken at The Chapel of Thanksgiving in Downtown Dallas. The chapel has 72 stained glass window tiles.