Lent 2009 was an amazing experience that truly cannot be described in words.  There was so much internal searching and profound revelations that came through this experience that I am truly blessed to have stuck to my promise.

My relationship and bond with Dear Son and Gwenn has grown to such levels in this 40+ day period it is amazing what time and mental concentration can do for relationships.

Additionally, I have realized that many of my relationships on Facebook were negative in my life [which lead to the deletion to 100+ "friends" on initial login].  When I was on Facebook I was not necessary using this technology as a positive influence in my life, instead I found myself comparing pieces of my life with others – which is not a healthy practice.  The technology behind Facebook was meant to be enjoyable and a fun way to connect with individuals, however it was not this for me anymore.  We cannot compare ourselves to others, we are all unique individuals at different places in our life’s with different circumstances. Also, people tend to only place the ‘good’ on social networking sites, so you are not really seeing the truth.

Through this last 40+ days I have found myself “refinding” myself again.  Rediscovering who I am and what I like to do, how I like to dress and how I like to laugh and joke.  It has been amazing and I expect to continue the journey as it has only begun.

Lent 2009, the search facebook, lent, self discovery

Do you ever get that feeling inside, the feeling that is tell you it is time to move on, move forward – and you know what you must do, but you really do not want to do it. It is time for me to clean up some of the skelton’s in my closet from my teenage and young adult years, time to let go of some demons that are hunting me.  In a 12 step program steps 8 and 9 are the following:

Step 8 – Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Step 9 – Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

It is time….

the search amends, confessions

Lately Dear Son has been convinced he is JJ the Jet Plane, running around the backyard, arms out to his side, wind blowing thru his blond hair – seemingly free as a bird… to him he is flying.

When he races, which is frequently now, he says “I’m JJ the Jet Plane.” The freedom of imagination, where it can take us – no limits, no boundries, follow our dreams.  As adults, we should hold on and capture that feeling, that freedom and remember it in times of trouble and times of searching.

eyes of a child, the search freedom

Lets go to Wikipedia for some help…

Expectations:

• The act or state of expecting or looking forward to an event as about to happen.
• That which is expected or looked for.
• The prospect of the future; grounds upon which something excellent is expected to occur; prospect of anything good to come, esp. of property or rank.
• The value of any chance (as the prospect of prize or property) which depends upon some contingent event.

Expectancy:

• expectation or anticipation; the state of expecting something
• the state of being expected, or something expected

.

I am currently reading “The Shack” by William Young, in this book it talks about living in a state of expenctancy in relationships verse pressing expectations on relationships which cause laws and rules to come into play.  I would much rather live my life going forward in a state of EXPECTANCY then with expectations, it seems much more free.

the search freedom, the search

Image via Wikipedia

Downs and Ups
Life Swings like a pendulum
On its own course of time
No rhyme or reason
Just worries going by

Life slows down
I take a deep breath
Step back
Relax…
.
.
.
Realize
This is all I have
Prioritize and not snap
Love and not like
Engage and not check-out
Be and not just exist

I am a work in progress, my life is a work in progress.  Each day I figure out something new, each day I better myself, each day I am me.

I have to remember:

a great leader’s courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion, not position.

the search A Work in Progress, Pendulum, the search, vision

Image by letneo via Flickr

“I want to be in the light.”

“I want a heart for humanity.”

“I dare you to move.”

All quotes from amazing songs that inspire and make me wonder what am I truly doing on this Earth.

Put them together… I want to move into the light with a heart for humanity. Surely makes me think about my choices.

the search humanity, the search

Image via Wikipedia

This morning on my drive into work, on my way out of Flower Mound, through the quiet neighborhoods and the green grass lawns there was a man jogging.  He was hot and sweaty and seemed as if he was overheating.  It was already 87 degrees outside and it was only 7:45 am.  I watched him approach a set of sprinklers of a house whom must be determined to keep their grass green and nourished.

The man was jogging on the sidewalk, this house had grass adjacent  to the sidewalk, but concealed by a fence so these set of sprinklers probably are not seen often from the house.  As the man slowed down to the sprinklers, appearing to overheat and in need of a drink, he bent down, cupped his hands and drink from the broken sprinkler.   He then took the water the washed it over his face and then continued jog.

As I pulled away, I realized even the broken have a purpose.  Who knows how long that sprinkler has been broken for, but today on this hot morning – that man needed a drink and who knows what would of happened had that sprinkler not been broken for him to have one.

the search Flower Mound, purpose, the search

Image by sandcastlematt via Flickr

The past few days I have been reconnecting with past friends from both my youth and young adulthood.  I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I am searching for my purpose and/or vision for 2009, I feel that going backwards a bit and remembering who I was and all the people who helped me to be the person I am today will allow me to focus on my future and where I am to go.

I am realizing with each person I find and each memory I feel how much each person can affect our lives in such a special manner.

Some of these individuals I haven’t been in contact with in over 15 years and yet at first glance I knew it was them and was drawn to know the rest of their story.

To each person whom has ever touched my life.  Thank you…

the search reconnecting, the search

Image via Wikipedia

I read a quote yesterday…

Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.

Wait for it..

wait for it…

WOW!

Just imagine going into each project, each vision, each goal with that type of attitude and aspiration.  The quote is so right, things to not just get handed to us.  We must work hard to accomplish and reach our own definitions and heights of success.  We must be focused and passionate each day, burning to reach success, otherwise really what is the point?

Each of us has a different definition of success.  For some, it maybe owning a company or writing a book; for others, success is simply going to work each day and keeping the a job.  However you define success, do not let others definition of success ruin your vision, your passion or let others define success for you.  We were each given a purpose in life, how we fulfill it is our OWN destiny!

the search destiny, passion, vision

Image via Wikipedia

We are each given a story, a story called life.

Life pushes us to our extremes on many levels, emotional, physical, mental all at different times and on some occasions simultaneously. I have to believe when we go through different stages or roads of life they all are for a greater purpose. This feeling of faith has always brought me through to a brighter side.

We all have been given the freedom of free will and the freedom of choice. Many of the decision I have made have lead me to the place I am today. Do you ever wonder about all the decision you have made and how they are all connected? Do you ever look back 10 years ago at one decision you made and realize it changed the entire outcome of your life today? I have, and it quite an amazing story.

I am starting to realize I want to share our story with the world. It is an amazing story of hope, faith, troubles and mistakes, forgiveness, and ultimately the love of a family.

If you could title your life story what would it be?

the search biography, life story, passion